Sunday, September 23, 2012

Chapter 2 -The Food bank -Meeting Madia


CHAPTER 2
THE FOOD BANK- Meeting Madea
This was a crisis and stepping up to the food plate was next base.

Obama’s campaign helped me feel good about myself and kept me busy. After Obama’s election it was time for me to return from the “elation of the nation” and return to my own personal reality, the same reality that was unwelcomed and unwillingly sadly shared by millions, I was now standing in a food line.
As I stood in line many thoughts crossed my mind about how I got here, what could I have done different to not wind up here? I appeased myself as I looked around by thinking this was just for now.
In the food line there was no masquerade. Well dressed folks that were hungry, poor dressed folks that were hungry. Somehow we all managed to feel a sweet camaraderie amongst us. The lady in front of me had been standing in line since 7am it was now 8:30 am and she told me they promised none of us would be turned away. That brought me joy since my hours at work were cut to 3 days a week and I was eating scraps and top ramen for a few weeks.
Oralie, a lady standing in line behind me who was only working part time was telling me about a full time job at Austin radiology for telephone work. She said she could not do this herself but wanted me to have it. I thought what a sweetie...looking out for a perfect stranger that felt not so perfect standing in a food line.
She was a well spoken lady. A year ago she said” I worked three jobs and always had plenty of money. It took its toll on my health and now instead of taking care of my sister and her kids, they are taking care of me.” She said Obama is our hope but why are they bailing out the Auto industries when we all need so much help?
Why don’t they give everybody that pays their taxes a $1000 bucks just to help them out? At least people could stop living in their cars or keep their apartments. I laughed out loud. I said “if there was a way I’m sure OBAMA would make it happen. Weeks later after the election this came true, taxpayers were given a hefty refund.
 Years ago with my good resume and charm I was able to score any job, anywhere. So what has happened? I thought about Tyler Perry and his Madea character who said in one of his movies:
“Life, life has happened to me and these new friends standing with me.
Now I was only number 39, waiting in a food line.
Mama Mabel a little lady standing in line with me whose husband had been on disability used to baby sit for working mothers to make extra money. Only now she was babysitting for free most of the time as some of the mothers simply could not afford to pay her for child care. I wondered what a kind, noble selfless person she was. She talked to me about better days when her husband was working and they had a car. She spoke of her old beat up Chevy that got towed and she could not afford to get back as they did not have the money to get it out. So, I offered to give her a ride home afterwards.
It was time to go in and my ex boyfriend Harry had gone in first. Harry was greeted by a worker at the food bank that appeared so familiar to him. Suddenly they both remembered each other. Years ago Harry had hired her for the newspaper when he was the ad director. She said “Harry, what are you doing here” He answered, “I am here because I need to be.” He sure did, he had two kids and had taken in a third that was put out in the streets. I was proud of him, he did not flinch an eye nor was he prideful.
He got his groceries and was beaming with joy. He turned to me and smiled and said," Baby they gave me nine bags of food and I am so happy .” I smiled back and waited for my number. This was not a time for ex husbands or ex boyfriend’s adversity. This was a crisis and we all had to help each other. As he walked away I promised to go to the other banks for him and share with him whatever I got.
Harry, a most brilliant, eloquent man used to be the ad director for 20 years of the most read newspaper in Austin. He changed jobs and was trying to sell Internet marketing programs now at about $10,000 a piece. He had made plenty of money before but on a global scale people were not too keen on forging out $10,000 dollars right now to buy the programs he was selling. He had no sales and no money.
It was time for me to get my food gifts. As they were filling my bags with food and items I started sobbing and the tears flowed all over my plastic grocery bags. The volunteer at the food bank threw her arms around me. She knew I was not used to this. She knew I was so grateful.
The following day I was at another food bank and there were hundreds of people waiting. I patiently waited and volunteered my time as a Spanish interpreter for the others that did not speak English. They were grateful to have me. It is true when you give of yourself to help others miracles happen.
There I met Billy and his wife. Billy and I started talking and he said he was there because he was a trucker, but was short $107.00 to get his towing license back. I swear if I had had it I would have given it to him right then and there.
Billy asked me if I had ever done dispatching and I said, sure, yes I have. He got on his cell phone and called Marco where he used to work to get me an interview. I spoke with Marco and he was impressed. He said” come fill out an application” and I will immediately put you to work.”
It is true when you give of yourself to help others miracles happen.
You know how long it has been since an employer just hired me outright? I loved this. No waiting two or more weeks and wondering who I had to impress. No nights wondering “will you choose me”?  I have an interview tomorrow morning. Wish me luck I said to Billy.
My mind started to wonder as I waited in the hot sun, what would happen if Madea and I were standing at the food bank? I started to daydream…….
Madea and I at the food bank
I met Madea at the food bank and we started talking. Immediately she went into her take on this economy. She mentioned how her Brother Joe’s check was delayed from social security. How she counted on it for food for her and her kids. She said the house was paid for but the rest of her money went into bailing herself out. What I said? Bail yourself out? From where?
“From Jail girl”, she said.
I was at the socially secure office last week,” she said. I told them how to run this depressant economy.   They did not take too kindly to my carrying in my piece of steal, my gun, in my purse. I  wasn’t gonna shoot anyone, I  just wanted to find out when I  would get my brother Joe’s check and if I could get a social secure card for Sammy ( Sammy was one of her kids she took care of). I did not have his birth certificate and was just trying to get him his socially secure card so he could get a part time job at Wal-Mart.
The lady at the social secure office asked me for legal proof to get Sammy’s social security card. “What the hell do I need that fur” I said to the lady at the window, I am the one feeding him now.  This is to help him and his sick mama who is also livin in my house too.
Madea tried to explain that Sammy’s mama had taken ill and could not be there. The lady at the social security window had no compassion. She called the security guard on her before she had a chance to explain and they hauled her off to jail, impounded her stolen car Sammy had given her as a gift, some gift.
They let her out on bail as she said she had 4 kids living in her house that were put out on the streets she now was taking  care of.
One of the kids had just cleaned himself up from using crack. His father used to beat him. His name was Marlo. Madea told me how she beat the hell out of his father and took his son with her to her house.
“Anyone who beats up on kids deserves to have their ass whooped “she said.
When Marlo came to live at Madea’s house the first few days he would change in the bathroom where there was a lock. Madea noticed this and saw Marlo always wearing the same vest under his clothes. So she took him shopping for clothes that afternoon. Marlo almost went into the girl’s bathroom and was so embarrassed. Madea knew. She knew he was transgender. She said “I don’t care if you want to be a Giraffe I still love you the same. To me you are whoever you want to be.” Her caring loving eyes brought tears to Marlo. “You know”, Marlo said. “Yes baby I knew from the beginning, now go on and get you some boy clothes if that makes you happy.” Marlo was transgender and his father beat him because of this.
The other two kids now living with her she found in the streets stealing purses. They made the big mistake of trying to steal Madea’s purse. Tiandra and April tried to steal Madea’s purse. Madea grabbed her and her sister by the scruff of their necks and made them return it.
What the hell were you thinking trying to steal my purse? I got the good sense to knock you….
“Please maam I was just trying to feed my little sister”. Said Tiandra. She looked at their little faces.
“What are you doing here on the streets”, its dangerus out here. Tiandra said their mother had died and their father was an alcoholic who beat them every chance he could. That they ran away at 10 and 13. Sadly Tiandra said she tried hooking for a while to feed her sister but when it got too dangerous Tiandra was afraid they would rape her little sister April. So they took to stealing purses instead. Good hearted Madea had heard enough. She took them in and had both back in school now.
Samuel, the 4th of Madea’s kids was a car thief and a good one. His mother had raised him and when she got sick Sammy took to stealing cars. He met Madea at the hospital where she was volunteering part time to feed the patients.
One day as she was coming out of the hospital pantry she spotted Samuel stealing meds for his mom. By now his mother with no health insurance was in constant pain and was barely eating.
What the hell do you think you’re doing? She said. Samuel tried to run but Madea slapped him across the head and knocked him down. As she was ready to turn him in the hospital guard she noticed he was very young and his eyes spoke clearly he was not on drugs. How old are you son? I am 15 he said. “Why the hell are you stealing drugs?” For my mom he said, she has no health insurance. What?  Said Madea!
He started to tell her his story. How his dad had left them when he was 6 yrs old. His mother was the only one working until she got sick and lost her job. She had health insurance for a while but they refused to pay for her meds and afterwards for her treatment. She could not afford cobra insurance. He would get a job if he was old enough but no one believed he was 17 yrs old yet and he had no social security card. His mother had gotten aids from his dad years ago and was in a lot of pain constantly. All he could do was to learn to steal and work on cars. That is the only thing he knew to do. A big smile came over Madea’s face and she said.
“Let’s go get your mama. I will help ya.” I have an old car you can do mechanical on.
She said to me. “These are all good kids “she said. “Each and every one of them.” I know damn well I’ll never get to deduct them off my taxes cause I tried last week and the government, the I ER S last week asked me if I was on medication when I had to explain why I deducted 4 kids  as depending on me. They asked me if I was on medication. “What the hell do you think I told them “she said? The only medicated person here is you, you dumb ass government zombies who don’t know that it is a jungle out there and these children are my responsibility now, they need me. They escorted her out screaming profanities at the I ER SS office. 
She turned to me and asked me.”So what is your story, why the hell are you standing out here, you look like you belong in an office or somethin”.  I laughed and told her my story. How years ago I had stopped fighting for custody of my kids cause their dad made more money than I did and he had more expensive lawyers. I did not ever want them to be hungry or want for nothing. I said that I had since been trying to get back to Oregon but could not make enough money to do it. I told her that in my 20 year old Subaru car were the pictures of my kids on my steering column. That I moved to my car so that I could get back to them. I explained about the custody battles. How I loved them so much that I had to allow them to be with their daddy until the time came for me to give them the best of me. I was on a path and this path held too many dangers and instability for them. In my soul I knew I was somebody and I would never give up until I made a contribution to this world.
 “Now stop right there”. She said. “You are somebody all ready. You are the mother of those children and that makes you a somebody. They don’t care if you come back with a lot of money, a job or anything. All your children want is their mama. “ I said I did not have a home to give them, or a place to cook for them if I went back now.
 “Believe in yourself Lilly and the Lord will provide.” Be grateful that you have an ex-husband who loves your children so much he takes care of them. Hell, so many men out there just abandon their kids. “
I took to heart what she said.
Number 32. Madea’s number came up. As she went in to get her bags of groceries I was praying to myself for a miracle. I was praying that Madea would get more than enough food for her and her adopted kids. I also prayed for myself for a miracle. That I would return to my kids in Oregon with more than enough money to get me there, get a nice small house that was mine where I could hold my head up high and cook great food for my kids. I had prayed that my book I was writing would be published.
Number 39, they yelled out. I went in and got my groceries. As I was taking my groceries to my wagon I saw Madea waiting. I said “Madea are you ok? “ She said yeah. I was waiting for you to give me a ride because my car was towed. I smiled and told her I would be more than happy to do that. I drove her to her house and she asked me to spend the night on her sofa.
It was so nice to be in a house and not sleep in my car. I barely got any sleep cause uncle Joe’s snoring and farting kept me awake. I put the pillow over my head so I did not have to smell him or hear him.
I hugged the pillow to my head and imagined I was at a fancy hotel, a bathroom, hot water, I was in heaven.
In the morning Madea chuckled to herself when I came in the kitchen. She said she was sorry but had read my folder I left on the coffee table. How long you been written this? I said for about a year. “It’s pretty good,” she said.” So when you gonna make a book or movie?"  I ‘m not sure. I have to get a publisher first. I said.
Then go get one. A publicchure. You know what; I know this man called Tyler. He is a personal friend of mines. I said really? She said “yes. And I will hook you up with him so that he reads your story. He will love it as much as I do. I smiled, “Thanks Madea.”
Hey Lilly do you remember the election of Obama? Yeah, I voted for him. I said.
Well I waited 5 hours to vote for OBAAMA. I had brought my chair and sat down until it was my turn to vote. Her chair she said had “You better VOTE for OBAMA or I will whoop yo ass.  I laughed out loud and told her how my vote was a “conditional vote” even though I was registered. They said they would have to review my vote.
Renew what the hell? She said. “Are you old enough to vote”, “yes “I said, “Were you registered in time? ““Yes”, I said. “Then why the hell did they make your vote contritional? “I said I did not know but an actor in New York had the same problem and he got lawyers to force them to accept his vote.
Why the hell didn’t you”. I said “I am not a lawyer but I had always dreamed of becoming one.” I said that although my credit was good it was not enough, and I had no scholarship.
That’s ok baby, she said. You can be anything you want to be. OBAMA SAYS THERE WILL BE LOTS OF JOBS THAT PAY WELL. Maybe you can get you a job as an assistant to one of them lawyerse . Then you can study “on the line” , you know, at night on the computer, the intranet. That’s a good idea. I thought.
There’s all kinds of schools for working folks. Maritza my neighbor, she studied one of them online schools  and now she works at a fancy dentist office. 
Or go get you a job at one of them colleges that pay for your lawyese school. There’s a few of em .
What kinda law do you want to be special in?  “Alternative energy. Yet with the job market right now I was not quite sure how I would break into that field. “
Well just your luck girl. I heard that Obama has lots of jobs coming up in that. I have an idea.
If you want to go to law school then do that, if you want to learn alternative energy then do that. Just don’t do both at the same time. One first, then the other. Let God help you then get out of your own way.
“Why do you want to go to law school anyway?” Said Madea. I said “because I love to win and make money.  I said I was smart and just wanted the chance to prove it to myself.
Madea said, “Going to lawyers school is something you do because you love it. Not all lawyers make a lot of money. You got to want to love what you do to be good in it.  Right now with all this global planet stuff about warming they could use your help with energy ideas.
 “Look at it like this”, said Madea, “maybe you can do this energy thing and become one of them environ-mentally  lawyers. That way you can do both. “ I said, “I wish I had thought of that.”
She said “baby don’t you ever give up on your dream. The minute you think it is hard it will be, the minute you make up your mind that that is what you really want then God will find a way. Pray Baby. ““First I have to get there, back to my kids”, I said. “I was hoping to get there with my old Subaru but she’s too old to make it back.
“Then you walk there if you have to. She got out her calculator and was figuring out how many days, weeks and months it would take me to walk to Oregon. I laughed . Ooh whoooo she said as her fingers hit the calculator. Okay it is exactly  2072 miles, and you can get there in 28 days and five hours , pack you some food and..See you could be there next month.
I smiled. Ok I will walk if I have too. I smiled and was seriously considering this.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Its only words and words are all I have to show you that I care....

Daily Encouragement by Daisaku Ikeda
Wednesday, March 14, 2012:
As SGI leaders, how we interpret the words of members and what we say in response is important. A genuine leader is someone who gives measured thought to such matters. When talking with individuals, ask yourselves: "What are they worried about?" "What are they trying to say?" "What are they thinking? "What is it they seek?" Try to discern these things in others. Try to know. Try to understand. This is the challenge of leadership. From such compassion arises wisdom.
I had to, with all my heart; include these words of wisdom from Sensei. Today was a day I learned much about others and how the Buddhist mirror of soul to soul works .

I attended an air force retirement party and ceremony for a Buddhist colleague of mine today form the air force.. While there many thoughts came to mind. I heard all of her accomplishments, her awards, and her years of 21 military air force times. I felt right along with her. When they said she did this and that and praised her I felt like I was living her life right alongside. When they spoke of Germany I could feel as if I was there. Italy? Yes I was there too at least in heart.

A brief rush came over me as I was sitting there trying so hard to be part of human interaction once more. I was recovering you see form a very serious pneumonia. But more than this... I was regretting not doing the things that I had wished when I was younger. You see by the time I had some sense about me it was too late to join the coast guard. I looked 25 but was 45 yrs old. 
I was snapped back to a different world with all these military people there. The way they communicated was so clear, so sincere so precise. I could almost measure the frequency, I felt the words they spoke amongst themselves and then with me. 
How can these people speak with such intensity, few words and clarity? After all I am a writer? I could only imagine that their ability to communicate so well, enjoy life so much is because on a day to day event they are at risk. Everyday our military is away they are at risk. Perhaps all this adrenaline, devotion to perfection, to discipline made them so special in my eyes.  

A perfect example of this was a very witty and profound man . In all sincerity I approached him during the event. I had a trigger, a heart tug that said that I needed to share with him about the new website I created. www.sgi-alamogordo.com. 

He was so grateful, so appreciative. I am going to write here what I remembered about the conversation: For purposes here I will refer to him as Colonel America. 
Me:"Hi there I have a website I created and wish to share with you so you can now teach yourself where ever you are in the world . You can read the daily guidance. You can learn the gosho, the writings of Nicherin .The entire website is fully translatable."
Colonel America: " I am really interested in keeping up with Buddhism. I really wanted to learn more about Buddhism. Thank you. That must of cost a fortune and so much work. "
Me: "No I created it." He looked at me in amazement. I said I was a webmaster. 
Colonel America: He looked so profoundly at me . In true Buddhist appreciation. As if I was so important. " That was allot of work. ". His eyes seemed so grateful. 
Me. "Yes it was but it was worth it. You will be able to see a video of the Taiko drums we will do with our youth group. And anywhere in the world you can now keep up with all the daily guidance and  learn and teach yourself.
Colonel America: "Even in Iraq? "
Me." Yes from  anywhere in the world you will have access. "
Colonel America:" I really like your energy."
Me: I was silent. I had no response outwardly. For a moment my mind flashed to my favorite of visions. A site I had seen as a little girl and again in New Orleans. A Tug boat pulling a big battleship. But I kept silent. I just smiled.

To describe the gratitude in his eyes in words here is hard. But let me try. Here is a  man.. A beautiful man ( I say this respectfully) who at any moment can be here today gone tomorrow. Who in such few words I read as someone looking for inner peace. Does he see he has all ready reached this in my eyes? Here I was seeking appreciation and needing kindness from being so ill. He made me feel so important. I guess we both found what we were looking for in the mirror of our souls. Buddhism is like that.
I came home and chanted in front of the Gohonzon for his safety. I prayed that he would be protected no matter where he was. . I am so glad to have met him for in seeking appreciation and gratitude for my life I instead gave it... and received it from giving. Thank you Colonel America.

Crucial Moment  決定的瞬間
A tear came to my eyes as I thought about Sensei, SGI President Ikeda. I thought of my dear friend a leader Kayoko who I love so much. Maybe I should start crying now at least once a week , or once a month so when they pass my heart will not break , would not shatter in pieces from their being gone. Maybe if I feel the loss a little in doses I can survive being in this world without them?
This part of my life is so hard to explain. I have friends who bring me ginger ale...oranges , apples and care for me when I am ill. I have been such a friend to others in [past years but had not till now experienced all this in return.
This letter is for Ecu, my brave jitterbugger 89 year old Japanese friend, for Kayoko where there are no words to say thank you ... but please thank you so much for being so good to me, the red scarf was to keep you warm and safe so you never get ill, , for Hiroko my movie star that I so love. For Sacheko who is so wonderful...and giving Buddhist leader. To Mayumi for her brave story which inspired me. I love her feisty nature she is like me.
I give my appreciation now to all of you while I still can reach out and laugh, and jitterbug  with you and learn Japanese. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Down the Rabbit Whole and back... Messages from down Udder direct from Fat Al (Alamogordo, NM)

At first glance it may seem like typos...or at best Freudian slips of the fingers, Rabbit Whole, down Udder etc. . . . But not really.

Returning from the Rabbit hole was much more contrite fulcrum madness than jumping in. The journey was well worth every stumble, fall, tear, coma, passion fried, denied and what the "hmm" happened here before I was fished out by an Angel who went fishing for bait still alive. 
I am blessed and blissed to say, welcome back honey to myself. 
What value does this have for you?
Simple. So far there are tons of well meaning gurus, Abundance teachers, and guides, that for a fee (sometimes a very large fee) that will agree to push you down the rabbit hole.
But, once there you are simply not going to get out anytime soon without a safety net or like in my case, an Angel to literally and figuratively fish you out.

Here is the news from the Rabbit hole.
Everything is energy. Energy is abundant. That’s a fact. But ask yourself these questions before I rattle your cage to help you break free:
Since everything is energy, what “kind” of energy is it?

All things come from the source, for me God, Buddha or for you, by any other name the source could even be you. Oh yes, it is you. More on that later.

The fact that there is a source means everything comes from here. So if everything comes from here, then everything is seriously abundant...the source is a zillionaire of abundance.
What kind of abundance are you creating?
Are you abundant of struggle; are you abundant of illness, abundant of poverty? Abundant of joyful relationships? Abundant of low self esteem? Wealth abundance?

You have created the plenty. What kind of plenty do you want? Plenty of what?
There is only abundance. What kind do you want to choose?
When you upgrade your frequency you will attract exactly the type of abundance you long for.
First you must accept the type of abundance soup you have brewed. If you do not like the flavor…cook something else.
And, who knows how to cook serious abundance soup? Kristen Morelli. She owns a fishing pole. www.GoddessRising.com and woohoo to you. 

For cooking classes on Abundance soup stay tuned. 


Friday, October 28, 2011

Love has no rhyme or reason.. so just love whom you love

I just got back from seeing a movie called "The Help" and in that movie it brought all my feelings of being a writer and rebel back. I loved it.

On the way home I started to think about the dress that I would wear, should I wear pearls when we first meet... maybe I should not even think about these things... but I am a woman. These thoughts are natural to us.

Now as I write again I must admit that there is so much that I have learned in this humble town about love and about myself and men.

This is what I have observed.
A man walks in with a woman that weighs at least 250 lbs... She of course is large but sexy. He is thin and handsome.
Another couple... he is seriously ugly, fat, a man with breasts, very unattractive to me...  and his woman is gorgeous...Not even realizing how beautiful she is... I used to ask what in the hell is she doing with that man... Now I understand.

Then of course there is the wealthy Lebanese man who only dates blond skinny Lebanese woman... and meets the love of his life that is full figured sexy and he asks her to marry in after just knowing her for 3 days.

We must not forget the guy from Nevada, built like a Michelangelo statue perfect... handsome. His wife? A skinny woman, not attractive, dark circles under her eyes with 6 kids and none of them are his...but he loves her... trust me I tried LOL.

So there is no rhyme or reason to love...no limits no understanding why a woman chooses a man or she chooses him chooses. They just do...
They meet, they walk towards each other, and then they walk together because they both know...when they meet ..........deep inside them can trust to share themselves... It happens everyday... I just walk away , lately run away...

So this time I am going to sit still and just allow what is about to happen..happen, because I do not know... I cannot make my life an island onto myself... not anymore... but I am so independent, I do not seek anyone. Perhaps the solution is to think it is .
When that black hair , blue eyes like the Caspian sea , big smile hunk stands in front of me like I am “ his dream wife”  well.  Ok , the answer is yes…

So I figured that even eccentric lovely ladies must be loved by some odd fellow who is not so stuck on himself... This make sense... there is no rhyme or reason why we are attracted to a person... we just are.

Monday, January 17, 2011

The Dream Unfolds

Questions are the answers. Questions are the laser of human consciousness, you can use their power to cut through any obstacle or any challenge. A well placed question can change your life in a moment. Thus you can contemplate any aspect of your life and change any aspect to success. The primary difference between successful people and those that are not is that “Successful people ask better questions and as a consequence gotten better answers.  Unknown Author

Recently a respected acquaintance of mine and I were having a discussion about 'Sin" and its meaning. I said that I thought sin was not being true to yourself and that anything that did not increase your life force was a sin. I also stated that you can only hit a target if you have one and that the sin is not having one, a target.

I was amazed at his response. His very profound statement was that originally the word sin meant that you missed the mark, the target. Wow.

This took me back when I was a philosophy scholar. At a very young age I was awake. I mean kundalini awake in every way. I was led to many studies such Theosophy, Kabala, Hinduism early Christianity and much more at the age of 12.

So I did what any kid would do. I started to ask questions, meditate, observe a day of silence so I could tune into ‘Angel FM”

Then my life as a 12 year old ended and now I was that old soul again. My life became dramatic, sometimes traumatic swimming the moat. The moat is actually a training ground for you to learn and refine the questions so you can create the form. The movie the Secret is all about creating the form by changing the frequency of the current thought to one that helps you hit the target. The target is what you really want to accomplish , what you really desire to make happen.

I will talk more about this in a moment for now back to the relevance in asking “the right questions.”

Since time itself we have all asked the question "What am I here for? What am I supposed to be doing here with my life? Others? How? When? Why me? And the worse of all : Not knowing. The ? Question mark itself.

I call these the juicy spiral equation creating questions, non productive questions that keep you in limbo or rather not getting what you really want. Consider that the best questions give you the best results and that takes training, discipline, spiritual practice, and spiritual proctology too.

Now for a slight spiritual proctology session. For you to achieve you must cleanse. Ok precisely what does that refer too? No you are not dirty, it means you have been, still are or venture on nonproductive behaviors and questions which yield less than satisfactory results.
Look at all the millionaires and billionaire blueprints. Most have swam the moat and been broke, homeless, crushed  to achieve higher more harmonious frequencies. The practice of Budhism for my self and many others does the same.

Look at the profile of so many famous Buddhist, Tina Turner, Herbie Hancock, and many more. What do they have in common? What they have in common is that meditation chanting, Budhism creates a vortex or what I call a frequency spinning tunnel. In that tunnel when you chant alter frequencies, your life force and through displace and study create the life you truly desire.

One particular type of Budhism called Nicherin Budhism has you repeat over and over the chant “ Nam Myoho Renge Kyo’ This when translated means devotion to the mystic LAW OF SOUND. The sound is referring to frequency. As a Buddhist myself and a rebel at times I have found that chanting leads to this place, this vortex where manifestation, MAGIC happens. A common occurrence for Buddhists to better our lives and view the moat as our training ground and playground. .

Take action to polish the mirror of your soul and when you do you can help humanity do the same. EE Song on  Nicherin  Budhism

Thoughts become things…. Mike Dooley

Thoughts have a certain sound” that being the equivalent to a form”. Through sound and motion you will be able to create. He, who can destroy the thing, controls the thing. Dune, Paul Moadib
Arrakis ... Dune ... home of the spice, greatest of treasure in the universe. And he who controls it, controls our destiny. (Planet Arrakis : en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrakis).   
Princess Irulan, Frank Herberts Dune
So in Budhism we are known for doing that precisely “turning poison (missing the mark, the sin, that which holds you back, not hitting the target ) into medicine(. That which is good for you and increases your life force.)

The question is the answer, the question has the secret, the frequency your mission, should you chose to accept it is to find the question behind the question and get you the right answers. Simple.

The sound coming out of your mouth, the words you speak and those you do not but think and the sound of your voice or that of others who have programmed you inside of your head… this is what must change to calm so you can hear your hearts desires. Witt this tool you no longer here the conversations within and a stillness, a peace, an ability to create magic like nothing you have ever experienced begins to unfold. The dream itself unfolds.

To Change the subject now slightly but still relevant to frequency.

 I will talk about a recent book and movie that is very popular “Eat , pray, Love . What does this have in common with the former views here?

Well the author literally talks about how she swam the moat in her life. It takes her to a transformation of a painful divorce to a world of pleasure, spiritual pain, cleansing and “The castle” .Swimming in the moat and finding happiness through these practices of Hinduism, Budhism chanting meditation and acquiring the discipline to create a better, happier life for her and her loved ones.
At the end of the movie she says she discovered that God, the Ati Buddha, dwells within her as her and if you view everyone and everything as a teacher you have had on your path then the answers will not be denied to you. , the truth will be reveled to you.

Here is the truth, . We all are born with a target, a blueprint. To see the target sometime we have to swim the moat, to get out of the moat you must polish the mirror of your soul.

A new technique is also using a biofeedback machine, Many are familiar that a biofeedback device is designed to give you a full analysis of your frequencies in every aspect. Health, mind, chakras, everything. But what most are beginning to discover and was known by ancient societies, Rosicrucian Egyptian Mayan, Early Christianity, CSI Conglomeration of Santeros International ( Healers, Psychic surgeons etc.) and more  is that everything has a frequency, and EVERY THING IS ENERGY ( Professor Einstein , quantum physics, Dr. Boem: The Holographic Universe on Quantum Energy). Thoughts have a frequency, disease has a frequency, and everything is about frequency.

Many doctors are using this biofeedback for analysis and some for treatment. You see the biofeedback registers frequencies but also can ALTER frequencies. Yes you read exactly what I wrote. The biofeedback when programmed by a trained technician can detect ambient non productive frequencies and be used to alter and or alert you of less harmonious mind, body spiritual, chakras misaligned, disease and frequencies of any kind in relation to you.  Yes that is what I said. That means you, your family, everyone you know can now benefit from biofeedback balancing, healing of just about anything.

It can do this with you hooked up to the machine directly or remotely if you are not physically present. If you want to learn more contact our sanctuary for more information. Quantumleapsanctuary@gmail.com

God create the moat to train the faithful, one cannot go against the word of God. When you miss the target, which is the sin of which all religions speak of. So stop sinning, find the target. You can only hit a target when you have one. To find it learn to ask the right questions. First you must know, and then you can choose. Get a biofeedback machine for faster results here: quantumleapsanctuary@gmail.com , donate here at the top right button for our continued research and help with at risk youth, healing modalities and family harmony.

Quantum Leap Sanctuary, New Mexico
Mission Statement: We are The Quantum Leap Sanctuary of Alternative methods of being. We incorporate Native American, Ancient Sciences and New age technologies to assist families and children with better choices to reach their highest potential.

Executive Director
EE Song



Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Self Appointed Online Dating Broker .

Why do we do things? BECAUSE WE CAN. So as a self appointed member of monarchy I hereby declare myself as the New and one and only Self Appointed online dating broker. Hey someones gotta do it.

This is a good one. He is on Plenty of Fish and in his own words. He is from El Paso Texas. Love those big hunk Texas boys.

RJM453

1/11/11 It seems that women I meet are surprised that I'm respectful, I have a since of humor, I cook, I'm drama free and from what I hear...a decent kisser. OK... A good kisser. I'm just curious as to what kind of men are you meeting on here. Just don't fall for me because I'm different from the typical........... Am I that different from the norm? Hope so.....

Better a memory than a wish....Better a moment that did exist...... Let's see..... I'm a photographer, a cook, a musician, a handyman, a lover, a soft ear with a firm shoulder, a comedian, a giver, a son, a brother and most of all...A father to three of God's greatest gifts' to me. Now that I'm all alone in this big house.... what to do? I've been very busy with my photography business Snap Shotz Photography. In my spare time I love to cook and bake or be out in the garage building something. I'm always trying out some new recipe whether it's for dinner or a new recipe to improve my life. If I ever send you and invitation for dinner you better take me up on it. Meals come with dessert and wine. Sometimes music and candle light. Funny...I was so surprised that some of the women I have met said that no man has ever made dinner for them. I don't mean hamburger helper either..... I've met some wonderful and some not so wonderful people over the years. The bottom line is I've met some people. I've learned a lot from them and I'm thankful for them to cross my path. I do hope I find that someone that curbs my appetite...instills sleepless nights...fills my day with dreaming....and never tires with the sound of her name as it whispers repeatedly across my lips. I know she's out there....



I'm not opposed to a long distance relationship if you're willing to put forth the effort. After all..... the one you may be looking for can't be in your backyard or you wouldn't be here fishing........


As for my photography? You can view my work at the following:

http://www.snapshotzphoto.com
http://www.myspace.com/snapshotzphotography
http://www.modelmayhem.com/82504

First Date
Pray she doesn't have an Adams apple.......


First dates are simple.... I think most people get to nervous because they have expectations of how they should act. I'm always down for a cup or three of coffee in a relaxed environment. You can learn a lot from a person from simple conversations. My expectations on a first date is to be myself. And for the person I meet to just be the person they are. One doesn't want to be asking themselves later..."what happen to that person I met?" I do believe one should go the extra step to be presentable but I'm more comfortable getting to know the "real" you. If you're not one to get all dressed up normally then put on those comfortable sweats and let's go from there. Unless we're heading out to the Plaza for fabulous play. After all....a strong foundation of a friendship can lead to the solid foundation that any relationship needs. Just one more note.... Don't let anyone have you believing that a relationship is 50/50. Would you only want 50% from your partner? It must be a minimum of 100% from each of us. That ol' saying "It's better to give than to receive"..... It's not just for shiny presents with cute little bows. Meet me on the River Walk in San Antonio for dinner.... Meet me at Six Flags and spend the day riding roller coasters... Pack a lunch and lets enjoy a great picnic overlooking the Grand Canyon...

Think carefully before you crown him "the King your King"

This online dating thing gets more interesting and there are some promises you make to those you meet that you simply cannot keep.

I tend to be staunch in keeping promises but when it involves the well being of others that is when I must relinquish my pinkie swear like right now.

As a reporter I was interested in my story of online dating. Till.. well till he caught my eye. And then all thoughts stopped for a moment and I was caught by my own net. And worse I did not want to leave until.. well.. until the King , I thought, removed his crown to reveal he was simply just a man in search of companionship and other goodies I was not quite yet about to forfeit. Close, but not yet.

OK the details.
I was asked out on a date with another fellow whom I stood up as my energy was pulled in a particular direction of a witty and handsome fellow who was focused in getting me to respond. Mind you it was not, nor he is not the average lug on these dating sites he is quite a charmer.

So I agreed , went to coffee and well three years later of being single there I was kissing a perfect 6 foot, hazel eyed Harley stranger on a plateau coffee house. Honestly you would have kissed him too. Drop dead gorgeous.Oh yes he kissed me first a few times.

This was new to me but ok. He called me later and I enjoyed that.
The following day after a few business partner disappointments where I had to let go of one business partner for a current project I called him.

It was lovely to speak to him. He seemed so much like the King , even looked like all of them. What does all of them mean?
Well many years ago a medicine man told me that a true love is one who looks like everyone you've ever loved and this one sure did. Not scary for me but for him I think.

So back at the I called him. He asked me over and we talked about kisses and personal male female things so I did what any sane female would do. I got dressed fixed my makeup and decided to just spend the night kissing the King.

When I arrived at first he seemed distant. He described his situation as he was not serious about a relationship with anyone as his ex wife was arriving in the morning " to stay at his house" as  they had business to conduct.Hmm I thought what kind of business is that? If he had met me and I said my ex was coming over to spend the night would he have liked that?

Well he proceeded to tell me he was not attracted to me, (I sure thought he liked those kisses at the plateau coffee house, he mentioned several times he did) that was confusing. I must admit when he related his ex wife and him knew each other since 11th grade I could feel a sadnesscome over me for him.

The sadness was here is this gorgeous man, getting crumbs like a pigeon from his ex wife and crumbs from women online who date him, but do not commit to at least love this hunk who deep down is a great guy.

Honestly, I think his conscience in my regard got the best of him He saved me from himself and his baggage. His confession was his way of saying " you're one of the good ones Evelyn, and I am not good for you".

I hope he saves himself by one day finding he deserves better than crumbs from strange woman who do not value him and being a convenience to his ex wife.

Things I love about myself: When I am done...I am done. To waste energy on reigniting past relationships is like lighting a fire with wet matches " it just ain't gonna light baby".